I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm at about main and main street
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
