I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
