Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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