Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
do herpes really smell.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
