oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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