I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
