Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
where are you?
Hypothermia
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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