So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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