yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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