Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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