If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
