i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
