dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
