Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
