i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
