He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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