He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
