so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
