Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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