Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
