she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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