the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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