I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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