WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
