I just found puke in my bra..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Enjoy the penises
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
