If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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