She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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