I think I died a long time ago.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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