dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
