My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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