You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
