i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
