i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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