ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
