Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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