3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
