Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
