I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
