apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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