I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
