u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
