Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
