p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
