I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
