and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
