Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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