Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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