I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
