i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
