No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We need to get me chipped asap
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
