i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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